Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[svetz]

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Spoiler: Answer

Aye Matey (yeah, took me a bit to get too)

 

[FilterGuy]

What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Spoiler: Answer

Outlaws are wanted

 

[gramos100]

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Spoiler: Answer

Aye Matey (yeah, took me a bit to get too)

and whats his favourite vegetable ?



AAAAAAARRRRRRTICHOKES

 

[Zil]

Boarder came down for his day. Old Dad; "So what brings you to our town?" Boarder; "I'm the entertainment at the tavern tonight." Old Dad; "Entertainment? What do you sing?" Boarder; "Oh, no I don't sing. I'm a comedian." Old Dad; "A comedian?" Boarder; "yes." Old Dad; "Well go on. Change color for me."

 

[JoeHam]

Q: Where does a bee go to the bathroom?

A: At the BP station

As told to me by my 3rd grade son over 2 decades ago.

Still one of my favorites.

Hope you have a British Petroleum gas station in your area so it makes sense. ?

 

[gramos100]

Covid Joke ?

If you wear glasses and are forced to wear a mask ,
you may be entitled to condensation ..........

 

[RickP]

What’s brown and sticky?

Spoiler: Answer

A Stick

 

[HRTKD]

A woman taking golf lessons had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee. Distraught, she went back into the clubhouse and told her golf teacher about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

He shook his head and said, "That’s your problem right there. Your stance is too wide!"

 

[BoloMKXXVIII]

Q: Where does a bee go to the bathroom?

A: At the BP station

As told to me by my 3rd grade son over 2 decades ago.

Still one of my favorites.

Hope you have a British Petroleum gas station in your area so it makes sense. ?

My mom told me that joke years ago. It was one of her favorite (clean) jokes.

 

[Sonne]

Santa is hoping to make his rounds this year despite the shortage of presents resulting from so many of his workers going into Elf isolation.....
..... he has special permission to travel during the pandemic because his reindeer have been found to have herd immunity!

 

[WoodsieLord]

"Daaaad I'm hungry"
"Hi Hungry, I'm dad!"
classic.

 

[HRTKD]

"Daaaad I'm hungry"
"Hi Hungry, I'm dad!"
classic.

That was very common in my house growing up.

Dad wasn't someone that a young person talked back to. If he saw you stumble there was no sympathy and he said, "Walk much?"

When I grew up, I started responding more acerbically.
Dad: Walk much?
Me: You taught me how.
Dad: You must not have listened.
Me: You mumbled.

 

[svetz]

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Spoiler: Answer

Mount Rushmore

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Spoiler: Answer

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

 

[RickP]

How can you tell whether or not a joke is a “Dad Joke?”

Spoiler: Answer:

It’s Apparent

 

[svetz]

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

Spoiler: Answer

They'd crack each other up.

 

[svetz]

Why don’t crabs give to charity?

Spoiler: Answer

Because they’re shellfish.

 

[svetz]

How do you make holy water?

Spoiler: Answer

You boil the hell out of it.

 

[HRTKD]

Why do they put only 239 beans in a can of Pork & Beans?

Spoiler

One more would make them too farty

240 for those of you that didn't get it.

 

[BoloMKXXVIII]

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? De brie was everywhere.

 

[FilterGuy]

Why do dogs make bad dance partners? They have two left feet!!

 

[BoloMKXXVIII]

What color is the wind?




Blew

 

[HRTKD]

Why don't monsters like to eat ghosts?

Spoiler

They taste like sheet!

 

[JoeHam]

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

They taste funny!

 

[Solarfun4jim]

I was doing a discharge test using a heater and a very large fan, when i accidentally shorted a cell with my screwdriver...


.....well the SHTF.

 

[Solarfun4jim]

I just swapped our bed for a trampoline.....

....Wife hit the roof