Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[Delmar]

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

Spoiler

The difference is staggering

 

[svetz]

What did one plate whisper to the other plate?

Spoiler

Dinner is on me.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

Spoiler

In case he got a hole in one.

Two sheep walk into a

Spoiler

—baaaa.

 

[JJJJ]

Why don't ants ever get sick?

They have antibodies.

 

[HRTKD]

 

[svetz]

 

[Supervstech]

View attachment 141994

That is a warped joke.

 

[svetz]

Go Farther Every Day!​

Perspective is so important!

 

[JJJJ]

Where do lizards go after their tails fall off?

The retail store

 

[sunshine_eggo]

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

Spoiler

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

 

[Delmar]

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

Spoiler

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

I wouldn’t know, I have sex almost every night.

Spoiler

Almost had sex last night, almost the night before that, almost…

 

[Delmar]

I just learned I have a superpower: I can cut wood by just looking at it. Its true! I saw it with my own two eyes.

 

[Browse]

My all time favorite:

Wife: What did you do today?
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "You did that yesterday!"
Husband: "I wasn't finished."

 

[FilterGuy]

Who takes care of the chickens?

Chicken Tenders

 

[JJJJ]

I got carded at the liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.

The cashier said “never mind “

 

[Rednecktek]

I ate a clock the other day..

It was very time consuming."

 

[JJJJ]

Why???

 

[Delmar]

Why???

hidden spoiler "it was very time consuming"

 

[Delmar]

I ate a clock the other day..

Very soon you will require a major timeout in the bathroom

 

[JJJJ]

.

 

[Supervstech]

I ate a clock the other day..

It was very time consuming."

Did you finish it on time?
Were you rushed to consume it?
It wasnt an airline meal i guess, time doesnt fly...

 

[Supervstech]

I ate a clock the other day..

It was very time consuming."

You do know thats not how ya get a nooner, right?

 

[Supervstech]

A man goes to his doctor because of his fear of tall buildings...

The doctor immediately wrote him a diagnosis...

Spoiler

he had an apartment complex

 

[JJJJ]

I once crossed a alligator with a homing pigeon.

I’m afraid it might come back to bite me one day.

 

[Supervstech]

I once crossed a alligator with a homing pigeon.

I’m afraid it might come back to bite me one day.

Hope ya see it later I suppose…

 

[EastTexCowboy]

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"