Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[sunshine_eggo]

Please don't make any more jokes about unemployment.

Spoiler

They just don't work

 

[wattmatters]

What do you call a cat from New Zealand?

Spoiler

A meowrie

 

[sunshine_eggo]

Why are city-dwelling gnomes very good at keeping time?

Spoiler

Because they are metro gnomes

 

[svetz]

What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?

Spoiler

Brrrroooom, brrroooom

 

[svetz]

Gotta light?

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

 

[sunshine_eggo]

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

Spoiler

They were Inca hoots

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I don't like math puns...

Spoiler

But I will make one if I half two.

 

[OffGridInTheCity]

Why do you have to watch what you say around cracked eggs?

Spoiler

They can't take a yoke!

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I lost three fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said,

Spoiler

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I saw a snake that measured out to be 3.14 meters long.

Spoiler

Pretty sure it was a pie-thon!

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from The Peanuts The Cranberries and Eminem

Spoiler

I call it my Trail mix.

 

[Delmar]

The salesman at the furniture store told me “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

Spoiler

Then it occurred to me, I don’t know 5 people without any problems.

 

[Rednecktek]

Two silkworms were in a race..

It ended in a tie.

 

[Rocksnsalt]

Where do boats go when they’re sick?




To the dock.



Yeah, I had a sinking feeling about telling that one…

 

[curiouscarbon]

 

[HRTKD]

Tough crowd.

 

[Rocksnsalt]

Did you hear about the giant that threw up?

It’s all over town!
?

 

[Rocksnsalt]

Tell you a joke about sodium?

Na.



C’mon man don’t be salty

 

[Rocksnsalt]

They say you’ll never go hungry at the beach.


Because of the sand which is everywhere.

 

[Rocksnsalt]

What’s big and gray, and doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.