Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[littleharbor2]

 

[wattmatters]

View attachment 153987

Ah, a brand of detergent. Don't have that brand here.

 

[Supervstech]

Ah, a brand of detergent. Don't have that brand here.

Yeah, it’s a long standing dishwashing liquid ad slogan.

 

[BoloMKXXVIII]

Side note: In this spirit, I actually know a guy named Jim Bagge.

No joke, I knew a woman named Carrie A. Wacker. Her parents should have been beaten.

 

[wattmatters]

True story again:
One member of my old school's P&C was Mr T. Bone.

I guess he had a stake in our future.

 

[KITROBASKIN]

For real, We had a coach in high school who, when doing roll call, would use the initial for the first name then say the last name (for example: T. Bone).

You can imagine the discomfort when Philip Nuss went to P.E.

 

[Hedges]

Colleague by the name of "Woody Johnson" (not his given name, although he went by it informally just not on documents.)

 

[Delmar]

New portable tire pump. Handy for when you polka hole in your tire.

 

[SeaGal]

New portable tire pump. Handy for when you polka hole in your tire.

A polka?

Sounds more like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's "Air In A-Flat Major" to me

 

[wattmatters]

These jokes are quite deflating. I need a pump up guys. No pressure.

 

[Matt.B]

Why do dogs make bad dance partners? They have two left feet!!

Tell that to the dog that win BGT!

 

[Delmar]

What happens when someone slaps you at high frequency?

Spoiler

It Hertz

 

[Supervstech]

What happens when someone slaps you at high frequency?

Spoiler

It Hertz

And if they slap you REALLY hard at high frequency

Spoiler

it mega hertz

I told my wife the above joke, and she instantly responded my reply...

 

[JJJJ]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on gear that he will only use a couple times per year.

 

[JJJJ]

My friend asked me to make a donation to the neighborhood pool. I gave them a glass of water.

 

[Supervstech]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on gear that he will only use a couple times per year.

My favorite give a man a fish joke…

Give a man a fish an you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish…

Spoiler

and lose a possible business opportunity [spoiler/]

 

[Delmar]

.

 

[Tulex]

.

Not sure if I should be blushing or not feels so bad. Reminds me of my old electric forklift I had when I had my business. Some of the posts corroded so badly that the bolts stripped out. First was tapping them bigger, (lead taps very nicely), then came the bottom picture. LOL, it worked.

 

[Delmar]

In the Old West, cowboys used to hang lanterns on the side of their horses to see at night.

Spoiler

It was the first form of saddle-light navigation.

 

[Supervstech]

Clapping is literally hitting yourself because you like something.

 

[Supervstech]

You matter.

Spoiler

unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light…
Then you energy [spoiler/]

 

[svetz]

You matter.

I would have said barionic, but who's going to think that's funny?

 

[wattmatters]

I would have said barionic, but who's going to think that's funny?

At least it's not dark.

 

[wattmatters]

Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages?

Spoiler

Because they were quantum mechanics.

 

[Supervstech]

Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages?

Spoiler

Because they were quantum mechanics.

They sure dreamed big tho... LHC is immense