Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

MurphyGuy

GOD ALMIGHTY
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
1,052
So a guy walks into a bar carrying a bag.. strolls up to the bar, sets the bag down, orders a beer.

Bartender sees the bag moving and says "hey buddy, you can't bring animals into this establishment"..

The guy opens the bag, pulls out a miniature piano, a piano stool, and a little man in a tuxedo... The little man proceeds to sit down at the piano and start playing..

The bartender says "That's so cool, where did you find him?"

The guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a genie bottle..

Bartender says "Wow, is that a genie bottle?"

The guy says "Yup, with a real genie too.. but he doesn't hear so good"

So the bartender picks up the genie bottle, rubs it, and says "I want a million bucks"..

Poof! Instantly, there's a million ducks in the bar.. Ducks on the tables, ducks on the floor, ducks on the counter, even ducks outside on the sidewalk.. feathers are flying everywhere and ducks are all quacking away.

The bartender says "What the hell man, I said a million bucks, not a million ducks"..

The guy says "I told you he doesn't hear so good, did you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
 

Samsonite801

Photon Sorcerer
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
1,297
Why do they put only 239 beans in a can of Pork & Beans?

One more would make them too farty

240 for those of you that didn't get it.

:ROFLMAO: After reading this it reminds of when I went over to Ireland for business, and I asked a colleague over there, "so, how old are you"... he kept saying, "I'm farty, I'm tellin ya, I'm farty", I had thought he was trying to evade the question and make me not stand so close.
 

sunshine_eggo

Happy Breffast!
Joined
Oct 26, 2021
Messages
1,935
Location
USA
Just read about a feudal uprising where a duke's son was killed by rebels. They used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordnance: a peasant's decapitated head.

It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
 

sunshine_eggo

Happy Breffast!
Joined
Oct 26, 2021
Messages
1,935
Location
USA
I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. They just kept bragging about how good they are at the game.

There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
 

sunshine_eggo

Happy Breffast!
Joined
Oct 26, 2021
Messages
1,935
Location
USA
Chewbacca's first year playing major league baseball was so good...

they named him wookie of the year
 

robby

Solar Addict
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
762

An old Cowboy comes into a Barber shop for a Shave, he yells the barber, “I’m lookin for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age the sun and wind, I haven’t had a close clean shave in years.”

Barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “stick this in your cheek like a squirrel.”

The old cowboy does as he is told and the wrinkles are stretched out smooth so the barber starts shaving. Then he switches to the other cheek and finishes the shave.

Barber hands the old cowboy a towel and the cowboy returns the wooden ball saying,

“Wow, I haven’t had a shave this close in many years. Got a question for you though. What would have happened if I had swallowed the ball?”

The barber quickly answers, “I reckon you would have brought it back in a couple days like everyone else does.”
 
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