Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[sunshine_eggo]

I got two new dogs named Timex and Rolex.

Spoiler

They are watch dogs

 

[sunshine_eggo]

If your child fights taking a nap...

Spoiler

are they resisting arrest?

 

[sunshine_eggo]

What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?

Spoiler

He has a meltdown

 

[MurphyGuy]

A doctor and an engineer are both trying to date the same girl.

The doctor brings her roses
The engineer brings her apples.

The girl gets curious one day and asks the engineer why he brings her apples when the doctor brings her roses.

The engineer says

Spoiler

=An apple a day keeps the doctor away

 

[Delmar]

I got two new dogs named Timex and Rolex.

Make sure you check the dogs for ticks.

Edit: Never mind, they can take a ticking and keep on licking.

 

[HRTKD]

 

[Delmar]

Only boomer dads will get this one.

 

[curiouscarbon]

please tell me your vector...

 

[Delmar]

please tell me your vector...

Roger. Huh?

 

[Supervstech]

Over.

 

[Supervstech]

What?

 

[AE4KR]

What do you call a Tyrannosaurus Rex who sells rifles?

Spoiler

A small arms dealer.

 

[Supervstech]

What do you call a Tyrannosaurus Rex who sells rifles?

Spoiler

A small arms dealer.

Well,one who sells anything ,really...

 

[sunshine_eggo]

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I dont trust trees.

Spoiler

They all seem kind of shady

 

[sunshine_eggo]

My relatives keep asking me what it's like living in Oklahoma.

Spoiler

It's OK

 

[sunshine_eggo]

What do you call a hen who can count her own eggs?

Spoiler

A mathemachicken

 

[sunshine_eggo]

I've dedicated my life to finding a cure for insomnia.

Spoiler

I wont rest until I find it

 

[FilterGuy]

Q) What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A) I don't know and I don't care.

 

[Hedges]

I don't know, and I don't care.