Support couldn't find a culprit, I spent most of the time asking them about why the settings pages don't match up between phone and web. They said they copy/pasted Flexboss21 settings from 18Kpv, and some things copied over that shouldn't have(or something to that effect).
In playing around though, I might have stumble upon the root cause. My guess for now is it has nothing to do with Flex/Gridboss, but is a battery issue.
So 2 nights ago, I wanted to not have my batteries at 100% in prep to test turning off the grid. so I turned on force discharge in the web app, let them discharge about 10 percent or so. Later on my phone, I turned off force discharge, thinking the working mode would go back to backup mode, but it didn't. It went down to self consumption mode. As a matter of fact, you can't turn on backup mode in the app, best I can tell its only in the web app.
Anyway, I wake up in the morning, and batteries are at zero. Well, my fault right, I should have checked. But when I dug into the charts, it was worse. They dropped from 35% to zero in 20 minutes with no change in consumption.
Then, today, again later I tried to enter force discharge mode, and was only getting something 100w even though I had it set to 5KW. I let it sit there for a while and it never budged.
I waited about 5 hours, and now its discharging just fine at 5KW.
So my guess right now is the batteries freaked out for some reason, and since I was disconnected from the grid, everything went black. No breakers tripped, but my garage camera had a very audible click like a relay closing.
For the record, here was close to the time the blackout happened:

Sadly, AC coupling can't be listed as Solar PV, it is just invisible on this graph(even when grid is up). I don't know why it doesn't understand consumption in this mode either. You can see I had excess AC coupled PV power though, since it was charging batteries at 3393w.
Did the batteries suddenly not want any more current and shutdown or something? Again no breaker trips/alarms/events in event log/nothing.
Re-enabling grid required no on/off of any buttons or breakers.
Batteries are 2 wall mount outdoor in parallel. Chargeverter on busbar as well, but was switched off for all this.
Admittedly, batteries are new to me, this could be operator error.
This weekend I am going to try and force it to happen again with the same scenario to see if I can replicate it, so I will keep you posted.
Honestly, after today, I think it will work long term, we are just working out the hiccups.
I don't mind being the beta tester. My wife on the other hand.....