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diy solar

Mom Jokes -- Equal time for clever DIY moms!

svetz

svetz

Works in theory! Practice? That's something else
Joined
Sep 20, 2019
Messages
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Location
Key Largo
Gotta love moms! They deserve more than just a day and certainly equal humor time. 💐

Motherhood is like a fairy tale in reverse...
You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

Good moms let their kids lick the beaters.
Great moms turn them off first.

Don’t be so hard on yourself...
...the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for weeks and didn’t notice.

Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:
Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee.

Momster
What Mom turn into after counting to three.
  • Being a mother of a teenager is finally understanding why some animals eat their young.
  • Motherhood means that half the time I feel like I’m running an asylum, and the other half I feel like I belong in one.
  • Mommy doesn’t have a favorite child—you all annoy me equally.
Dad jokes made it up to 41 pages, thought moms deserved some equal representation and spoiling (at least spoilers ; -) ...
Mom jokes, so I've been told, are the humorous aspects of parenting.
 
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Nothing is truly lost ...
...until mom can't find it.

  • Mom says there's nothing quite like being told she's wrong by someone who depends on her for food, clothing, and shelter.
  • "Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

What do moms want for Mother's Day?
Replacement silverware.
 
Son: “Mom, can I get $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I’m made of money?”
Son:
“Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”

I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said:
“Call for backup.”
 
I was Raised in the 70s, in between air force TDY relocation around the world, and my dad's rancher desires my mom had a lot to put up with... two boys, and a daughter then three more boys... moved to iceland as surtsy volcano erupted, iatolla komeni when we got evacuated from Iran... moved to washington state, then mt st helens erupted, moved to south Dakota, the farm bill caused bankrupsy, moved to NC, in time for hurricane Hugo to plow through our town...
I dont know... but mom is pretry tough.
She still landscapes her yard, hauls trees, maintains chickens too...

Dont mess with mom...

There aint enough backup.
 
Supervstech said:
moved to iceland as surtsy volcano erupted, iatolla komeni when we got evacuated from Iran... moved to washington state, then mt st helens erupted, moved to south Dakota, the farm bill caused bankrupsy, moved to NC, in time for hurricane Hugo to plow through our town...
Click to expand...

FINALLY we know who to blame ! 😎
 
Daughter: “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?”
Mother: “I don’t know dear, ask your grandmother.”

I stubbed my toe and my mom shouted at me for yelling, “What the duck!”
She was angry that I used fowl language.
 
You can teach your kids irony when they are screaming...
Just scream back 'STOP SCREAMING'

Silence is golden...
Unless you have kids. Then silence is just plain suspicious.
 
Mom am I adopted?
"Not yet. We're still waiting for someone to come and claim you."

Mom, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
 
What is it if a child refuses to nap?
Resisting a rest
 
As your kids become teenagers it is important to get a dog...
...so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
 
Teacher: "I'm going to have to call your mom."
Son: "Don't call her."
Teacher: "Sorry, but I have to."
Son: "No, I'm serious. Don't call her....
...She doesn't answer her phone. You have to text her."
 
Being a mom is a journey ...
...mostly traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long
 
Having children is like being in college...
...or rather living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.


A two-year old is kind of like ...
having a blender, but you don't have a top for it

Motherhood is an extreme sport.
That’s why we have to wear workout clothes everyday
 
Kids are like angels...
...but then, so was Lucifer...

I asked my mom to to buy me a camouflage jacket and when I got home from school she said she got me a great one and it was in my closet.
She must have gotten me a great one cause I couldn't find it...
 
Mom: Stop being a witch at school...
...you'll get ex-spelled

Mom: What do you want on your bagel?
Little witch: Scream Cheese

Child: Mom, how do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
WIth a pumpkin patch honey!

Happy Halloween​

1730377282045.png​
 
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My kid is turning out just like me....
Well played, karma. Well-played.
 
Brian and his platonic roomate Jennifer invited Brian's mom over to dinner. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’

Dear Mom,​
​
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house,​
I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact​
remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for​
dinner.​
​
Love,​
Brian​

Dear Son,​
​
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying​
that you ‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if​
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.​
​
Love,​
Mom​
 
A woman in Phoenix calls her son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your father and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Mom, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer. We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”

She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her mom, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” And she hangs up.

The woman hangs up and says to her husband, “Good news! They’re definitely coming for Thanksgiving … and paying their own way."
 
svetz said:
A woman in Phoenix calls her son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your father and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Mom, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer. We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”

She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her mom, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” And she hangs up.

The woman hangs up and says to her husband, “Good news! They’re definitely coming for Thanksgiving … and paying their own way."
Click to expand...
My kids would celebrate, and send out the FINALLY cards...
 
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