This would cure some problems.
Use the 220vac from grid to water heater, through the thermostat, for control.
Use the 100A throughput to turn-on / turn-off the DC element.
I'd use an NO instead of an NC though.
https://www.mdius.com/mercury-relays/single-pole-relays-contactors
SKU: 100NC-220A
If the grid is up, and the SolArk is programmed correctly, the meter MAY work correctly.
If it really is a SolArk, it would then sync correctly, and contribute to the load, whatever it is.
If a SolArk is not programmed correctly, it will ignore the grid, if it's wired correctly.
If it's not a...
Research "mercury relays".
Must be mounted vertically, and have no arcing. Very durable.
Lots of different values available, and some very high amperage ratings
If using 48vdc panels, wire some in-series for ~100+, or even 200+ vdc.
Or just measure the resistance of the element, plug in Ohm's Law, and design from there.
That's what I was going to mention.
They don't arc, and can be obtained with some seriously high current capabilities.
I'm going to try one on my system.
The thermostat is just a relay. It can pass anything. Just keep it low.
Use a very low-current through it to power a really big mercury relay.
Let the mercury relay do the heavy-lifting.
Size the mercury relay control circuit for low-voltage.
None of these things, whether AC or DC, will burn-up...
If you connect your panels in series, you will have higher voltage, and much lower current.
Elements are usually 120v or 240v.
Not really designed for that high of current.
Is there any way to program these inverters to activate the generator relay, when the load is is too much for the inverter/batteries/ solar?
At this point, I can only trigger the relay via battery voltage.
Check your local WISP's.
(Wireless Internet Service Provider)
They are usually cheaper than anything but cable.
I'd start there first, then data plans and hotspots.