I guess one thing I am straggling with is spending $1000 to protect $500 worth of batteries.
You easily could spend that much, but you
definitely don't need to spend anywhere near that amount adequately protect your batteries. Though low cost options are limited for high current systems.
In a perfect world a BMS in my mind would protect for over voltage, low voltage on both charge and discharge and then of course there is the low temp disconnect.
I would say LVD and HVD are baseline requirements for a BMS, low temp protection is ideal but extra, and in many cases not required. The cheapest/often easiest solution is to make sure your batteries aren't in sub zero conditions, if they are or might be, low temp protection of some sort should be used.
"Properly designed system" and that is what I am trying to get to but the more I read on this forum and others the more conflicting
I feel your pain, there is a lot to wrap your head around, and the landscape is constantly evolving. There is a lot of good info out there but its scattered and evolving as the market changes and as our shared knowledge evolves.
Another solution I was looking at was the Electrodacus but it seems I would be in that several hundred dollars very quickly.
This is my current top choice for my application, but it doesn't work for everyone. It can do all the things you want and then some, but its a pretty non-traditional BMS, it doesn't directly control anything, it is designed to work with components that can be controlled remotely. This is in my opinion a very elegant solution, but it requires choosing components that are capable of remote control, if you have already purchased your components you would need to check whether your devices can be controlled in this way, or use workarounds to accomplish this.
The BMS itself is under $150 USD iirc, you will need to purchase a shunt or two but that is a good idea with any system. The price could be quite a bit higher though if you need to replace components you've already bought or buy extras.
You also have to understand you are buying a more advanced, less beginner friendly, DIY BMS with a steeper learning curve and smaller community