Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

You matter.

Supervstech said:

You matter.

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I would have said barionic, but who's going to think that's funny?

svetz said:

I would have said barionic, but who's going to think that's funny?

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At least it's not dark.

Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages?

wattmatters said:

Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages?

Spoiler

Because they were quantum mechanics.

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They sure dreamed big tho... LHC is immense

Supervstech said:

LHC is immense

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You know why it's not so easy to joke about the LHC...

Have you heard the rumor about butter?

Too long to be a dad joke, but I appreciated it as a kid. A friend of my dad used to tell me a joke every time he visited. This one has stuck with me for nearly 50 years.

A very poor young man wins a contest and gets a free trip to the other side of the country to visit an Indian reservation. On this reservation is a chief with an amazing memory. For $100 per try, you can test the chiefs memory, and his first try is free from winning the contest. If you are the first to stump the chief, you win a million dollars. There is a long line to see the chief. He thinks hard while in line about what to ask the chief. When it's his turn, he greets the chief "How". The chief greets him back "How". The man then asks the chief, "what did you have for breakfast three Tuesdays ago"? The chief replies "eggs". The young man leaves, impressed. But as he is returning home, he thinks, how stupid, maybe he has eggs every day. So, he saves for years to make the trip back out to ask the chief a harder question. It takes him ten years, but he finally saves enough to make the trip and ask one question. Before setting out, he verifies that the chief hasn't been stumped yet, and to his delight, the million dollars is still up for grabs. This time he has a much better question. He waits in line, and finally it is his turn. He greets the chief "How". The chief says
.

It's my mom's birthday today, so I'll tell a mom joke.

A woman was at the beach, fondly watching her little grandson making a sand castle. Suddenly a huge wave came out of nowhere and washed over the little boy. When the wave receded, there was no sign of him.

The distraught woman got down on her knees and shouted up at the sky, "Dear Lord, if you return my grandson to me, I swear I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live."

Suddenly another huge wave comes out of nowhere and washes right up to where the woman is kneeling. When it recedes, there's her grandson standing in front of her, completely unharmed.

The woman looks up at the sky and says, "He had a hat."

What field of science was Dr Pepper's PhD in?

I did my best to draw a map of Europe from memory.

I hear the new 'Oppenheimer' movie is a real bomb

FilterGuy said:

I hear the new 'Oppenheimer' movie is a real bomb

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I thought it was a blast. But maybe you are correct as its being dropped by multiple theaters.

This thread has been gone too long, time to revitalize!

An Alaskan man was on trial for murder. Her gets up on the stand and the attorney asks him "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

I was walking home one night and decided to cut across the town graveyard to save time. While I was in there I ran into 3 young ladies who were a little tipsy. They were obviously a bit freaked out so when I came along and they asked if I would walk with them the rest of the way out I obliged.

We made it to the other side of the graveyard and the ladies turned to thank me saying they were a lot more scared than they expected to be. I replied "Yeah, this place used to freak me out too when I was alive."

I never saw 3 gals run so fast in my life.

Nurse: Have you had a recent loss of taste?

Patient: No I have always dressed like this.

Honda have released a new wirelessly charged EV.

I used to work the graveyard shift at a zipper factory.