Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[Delmar]

I was having ear problems so I went to the doctor. They said they would get back to me with the test results…

Spoiler

But I have not heard anything since then.

 

[Supervstech]

I was having ear problems so I went to the doctor. They said they would get back to me with the test results…

Spoiler

But I have not heard anything since then.

Hell, that’s not a joke, it is reality..

 

[Delmar]

I was really nervous about going out with this vegan girl.

Spoiler

Because I never dated herbivore.

 

[JJJJ]

I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places.

He said to stay away from those places.

 

[Delmar]

I just invented a thought controlled air freshener. First it seemed like a bad idea, but it makes scents when you think about it.

 

[MurphyGuy]

What kind of television do ducks watch?

Spoiler

Duckumentaries

 

[Sverige]

When the covid-19 pandemic hit and we were all panic buying toilet rolls, in Germany it was cheese and sausages which were flying off the shelves…

It seems the Germans were preparing for the wurst kase scenario!

 

[sunshine_eggo]

16 Sodium and Batman walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and yells...

Spoiler

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BAAATMAAAAN!

 

[sunshine_eggo]

One time I asked a girl on a date. She said she would never go out with a guy who had a face like "the back of a boat".

Spoiler

I didn't say a thing. I just gave her a stern look.

 

[sunshine_eggo]

My neighbor with the big boobs keeps walking around the backyard topless.

Spoiler

I wish his wife would do the same.

 

[sunshine_eggo]

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says, "You must be single." The man answered, “Wow, how did you know that?”

Spoiler

The cashier replied, “Because you’re ugly.”

 

[HRTKD]

 

[Supervstech]

Bones and Kirk are wondering the streets of old san fran...

They come to a large structure, Bones looks at Kirk and says i guess we should work out...

Spoiler

SIGN ON BUILDING READ...




DAMMIT GYM

 

[Maintenance guy]

So what's next in censorship, Santa can't say Ho, Ho, Ho cuz it is offensive to your mom.

Just sayin cuz Sant's a daddy to ya know!

 

[HRTKD]

 

[Delmar]

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

Spoiler

The difference is staggering

 

[svetz]

What did one plate whisper to the other plate?

Spoiler

Dinner is on me.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

Spoiler

In case he got a hole in one.

Two sheep walk into a

Spoiler

—baaaa.

 

[JJJJ]

Why don't ants ever get sick?

They have antibodies.

 

[HRTKD]

 

[svetz]