Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[wattmatters]

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Horse shits in a bar.

Bartender asks, "Why the long faeces?"

 

[JJJJ]

I like to talk about my pet penguin whenever I meet someone new.

It's a great ice breaker...

 

[JJJJ]

Two people ran into a building.

You think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Delmar]

We got a new kitten today! Man can it fart…

 

[svetz]

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Spoiler

Reali-tea.

 

[JJJJ]

You won't believe the word that's always spelled wrong in the dictionary.

Its "wrong"

 

[JJJJ]

How do you keep a person in suspense? ………………………….

 

[HRTKD]

 

[HRTKD]

 

[LeoThomson]

 

[Delmar]

In my town someone stole all the wheels off the cop cars.

Spoiler

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

 

[LeoThomson]

 

[svetz]

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Spoiler: Answer

It was feeling crumby

 

[Delmar]

I just witnessed a car accident where they suspect was caused by the road condition. They are investigating whether it was the drivers fault or the asphalt.

 

[Rednecktek]

Someone stole my prize pig last night...

I suspect it was the Hamburgler

 

[Supervstech]

How do you keep a person in suspense? ………………………….

Still waiting...

 

[JJJJ]

For years I’ve suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked about it she just shrugged. The plot thickens…

 

[svetz]

If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathise with it?

 

[svetz]

While we're on plant jokes... Did you know Bruce Lee has a vegan brother?

Spoiler: Answer

His name is Brocco Lee

 

[Delmar]

There was a concern that Alexa may be listening to everything the family says. So the manufacturer created a male version that doesn’t listen to anyone.