Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)

[wattmatters]

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Horse shits in a bar.

Bartender asks, "Why the long faeces?"

 

[JJJJ]

I like to talk about my pet penguin whenever I meet someone new.

It's a great ice breaker...

 

[JJJJ]

Two people ran into a building.

You think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Delmar]

We got a new kitten today! Man can it fart…

 

[svetz]

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Spoiler

Reali-tea.

 

[JJJJ]

You won't believe the word that's always spelled wrong in the dictionary.

Its "wrong"

 

[JJJJ]

How do you keep a person in suspense? ………………………….

 

[HRTKD]

 

[HRTKD]

 

[LeoThomson]

 

[Delmar]

In my town someone stole all the wheels off the cop cars.

Spoiler

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

 

[LeoThomson]

 

[svetz]

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Spoiler: Answer

It was feeling crumby

 

[Delmar]

I just witnessed a car accident where they suspect was caused by the road condition. They are investigating whether it was the drivers fault or the asphalt.

 

[Rednecktek]

Someone stole my prize pig last night...

I suspect it was the Hamburgler

 

[Supervstech]

How do you keep a person in suspense? ………………………….

Still waiting...

 

[JJJJ]

For years I’ve suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked about it she just shrugged. The plot thickens…

 

[svetz]

If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathise with it?

 

[svetz]

While we're on plant jokes... Did you know Bruce Lee has a vegan brother?

Spoiler: Answer

His name is Brocco Lee

 

[Delmar]

There was a concern that Alexa may be listening to everything the family says. So the manufacturer created a male version that doesn’t listen to anyone.

 

[Delmar]

I have good news and bad news…

 

[svetz]

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard...

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.

Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"

The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

 

[LeoThomson]

 

[wiseacre]

If a man learns from his mistakes I must be the most educated man alive.

 

[Supervstech]

Yeah... i get the same response no matter what number i call...

Screeech...
Must be the fax line...