A priest stands at the church pulpit to tell his congregation that after today he is leaving his flock behind to follow another calling.
He's embarking on a journey to visit every US state.
The shocked church goers ask him why, what was this calling?
After a particularly mild winter the small town of Chestermere became infected with squirrels in the spring. Because the local churches had the best trees, the squirrels often congregated near them and this is what each church decided to do about the pesky animals:
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since…
I heard it split into multiple companies and the new Buckingham GPS can't be used for the same location more than once. If you punch in a previously entered location, it says, "never going back again."
I heard it split into multiple companies and the new Buckingham GPS can't be used for the same location more than once. If you punch in a previously entered location, it says, "never going back again."
A man steals a train, and kills 6 people, he is caught and sentenced to death by electric chair.
For his last meal he requests a single banana. He gets in the chair, they flip the switch, but nothing happens. Since the sentence only can be carried out once, they release him.
He again goes out and steals another train killing 4 more people.
He is again caught, sentenced and sent to the chair, again he requests a banana for his last meal.
The chair is again triggered, but again nothing happens, and he is again released.
For the third time, he steals a train and kills several people, he is again captured and sentenced to death by electric chair.
But this time the guards refuse to give him a banana fie his last meal, they give him the standard meal steak and potatoes.
He sits in the chair, but again nothing happens when they flip the switch.
Furious, they ask him why this keeps happening...
Heard on a tonight show with Johnny Carson rerun...
In New York the police are investigating a crime spree...
An unusual case where the thief is breaking into restrooms all over the city and stealing all the flush handles from toilets...
