wattmatters
Solar Wizard
You know why it's not so easy to joke about the LHC...
Because it's hard to disCERN
Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)
- Thread starter svetz
- Start date
Tulex
Solar Wizard
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
Tulex
Solar Wizard
Too long to be a dad joke, but I appreciated it as a kid. A friend of my dad used to tell me a joke every time he visited. This one has stuck with me for nearly 50 years.
A very poor young man wins a contest and gets a free trip to the other side of the country to visit an Indian reservation. On this reservation is a chief with an amazing memory. For $100 per try, you can test the chiefs memory, and his first try is free from winning the contest. If you are the first to stump the chief, you win a million dollars. There is a long line to see the chief. He thinks hard while in line about what to ask the chief. When it's his turn, he greets the chief "How". The chief greets him back "How". The man then asks the chief, "what did you have for breakfast three Tuesdays ago"? The chief replies "eggs". The young man leaves, impressed. But as he is returning home, he thinks, how stupid, maybe he has eggs every day. So, he saves for years to make the trip back out to ask the chief a harder question. It takes him ten years, but he finally saves enough to make the trip and ask one question. Before setting out, he verifies that the chief hasn't been stumped yet, and to his delight, the million dollars is still up for grabs. This time he has a much better question. He waits in line, and finally it is his turn. He greets the chief "How". The chief says
.
A very poor young man wins a contest and gets a free trip to the other side of the country to visit an Indian reservation. On this reservation is a chief with an amazing memory. For $100 per try, you can test the chiefs memory, and his first try is free from winning the contest. If you are the first to stump the chief, you win a million dollars. There is a long line to see the chief. He thinks hard while in line about what to ask the chief. When it's his turn, he greets the chief "How". The chief greets him back "How". The man then asks the chief, "what did you have for breakfast three Tuesdays ago"? The chief replies "eggs". The young man leaves, impressed. But as he is returning home, he thinks, how stupid, maybe he has eggs every day. So, he saves for years to make the trip back out to ask the chief a harder question. It takes him ten years, but he finally saves enough to make the trip and ask one question. Before setting out, he verifies that the chief hasn't been stumped yet, and to his delight, the million dollars is still up for grabs. This time he has a much better question. He waits in line, and finally it is his turn. He greets the chief "How". The chief says
"Scrambled"
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ArtieKendall
New Member
It's my mom's birthday today, so I'll tell a mom joke.
A woman was at the beach, fondly watching her little grandson making a sand castle. Suddenly a huge wave came out of nowhere and washed over the little boy. When the wave receded, there was no sign of him.
The distraught woman got down on her knees and shouted up at the sky, "Dear Lord, if you return my grandson to me, I swear I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live."
Suddenly another huge wave comes out of nowhere and washes right up to where the woman is kneeling. When it recedes, there's her grandson standing in front of her, completely unharmed.
The woman looks up at the sky and says, "He had a hat."
A woman was at the beach, fondly watching her little grandson making a sand castle. Suddenly a huge wave came out of nowhere and washed over the little boy. When the wave receded, there was no sign of him.
The distraught woman got down on her knees and shouted up at the sky, "Dear Lord, if you return my grandson to me, I swear I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live."
Suddenly another huge wave comes out of nowhere and washes right up to where the woman is kneeling. When it recedes, there's her grandson standing in front of her, completely unharmed.
The woman looks up at the sky and says, "He had a hat."
wattmatters
Solar Wizard
What field of science was Dr Pepper's PhD in?
Fizz-ics
FilterGuy
Solar Engineering Consultant - EG4 and Consumers
I hear the new 'Oppenheimer' movie is a real bomb
Delmar
Solar Addict
I thought it was a blast. But maybe you are correct as its being dropped by multiple theaters.
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Rednecktek
Solar Wizard
This thread has been gone too long, time to revitalize!
An Alaskan man was on trial for murder. Her gets up on the stand and the attorney asks him "Where were you on the night of October to April?"
An Alaskan man was on trial for murder. Her gets up on the stand and the attorney asks him "Where were you on the night of October to April?"
Rednecktek
Solar Wizard
I was walking home one night and decided to cut across the town graveyard to save time. While I was in there I ran into 3 young ladies who were a little tipsy. They were obviously a bit freaked out so when I came along and they asked if I would walk with them the rest of the way out I obliged.
We made it to the other side of the graveyard and the ladies turned to thank me saying they were a lot more scared than they expected to be. I replied "Yeah, this place used to freak me out too when I was alive."
I never saw 3 gals run so fast in my life.
We made it to the other side of the graveyard and the ladies turned to thank me saying they were a lot more scared than they expected to be. I replied "Yeah, this place used to freak me out too when I was alive."
I never saw 3 gals run so fast in my life.
wattmatters
Solar Wizard
Honda have released a new wirelessly charged EV.
It's called the Accordless
wattmatters
Solar Wizard
I used to work the graveyard shift at a zipper factory.
It was a fly by night company.
Delmar
Solar Addict
I worked there once too. The job had its ups and downs.
Bird and MacDonald “the worlds dirtiest song (lyrics)
There was an old farmer who lived by a rock
He sat in the meadow a-shaking his fist
At some boys who were down by the crick (creek)
Their feet in the water, their hands on their marbles
And playthings, and in days of yore
There came a young lady she looked like a
Pretty young creature. She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dresses and showed us her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a nеw way to
Bring up her children and learn thеm to knit
While the boys in the barnyard where shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterdays hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do
To make it quite clear that she wanted to
Go for a nice pleasant stroll on the grass
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of
Ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall
And after dessert she was ready to
Go for another walk down by the dock
With any young man with a sizable
Roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front
If he asked politely she would show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tenders hands with movement so quick
Then she'd lean on over and suck on his
Soda so sweetly till she finished it
Then pull down her panties to rub on her
Hip, which she bruised when she ran down the halls
'Cause he tried to force her to lick on his
Candy so tasty made of butterscotch
And then he spread whipped cream
All over her cookies she had been baking all night
If you think this is dirty you're f***&&@ well right
There was an old farmer who lived by a rock
He sat in the meadow a-shaking his fist
At some boys who were down by the crick (creek)
Their feet in the water, their hands on their marbles
And playthings, and in days of yore
There came a young lady she looked like a
Pretty young creature. She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dresses and showed us her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a nеw way to
Bring up her children and learn thеm to knit
While the boys in the barnyard where shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterdays hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do
To make it quite clear that she wanted to
Go for a nice pleasant stroll on the grass
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of
Ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall
And after dessert she was ready to
Go for another walk down by the dock
With any young man with a sizable
Roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front
If he asked politely she would show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tenders hands with movement so quick
Then she'd lean on over and suck on his
Soda so sweetly till she finished it
Then pull down her panties to rub on her
Hip, which she bruised when she ran down the halls
'Cause he tried to force her to lick on his
Candy so tasty made of butterscotch
And then he spread whipped cream
All over her cookies she had been baking all night
If you think this is dirty you're f***&&@ well right
We live in an expanding Universe…
all of it is running away from Chuck Norris
I want to apologize to everyone for the bad puns.
~Noah Fence
~Noah Fence
DBarr
New Member
What time do cows go to bed?
Pasture bedtime.
Pasture bedtime.
Tulex
Solar Wizard
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do…it’s because I missed my exit.
Why did the dad name his dog frost?
Cause he wanted a dog that bites...
What do you call a dog that's been left out in the cold?
A chilli-dog...
Cause he wanted a dog that bites...
What do you call a dog that's been left out in the cold?
A chilli-dog...
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